On Medical Gaslighting #1
Summary
‘Gaslighting refers to a person of power psychologically manipulating another person into questioning their own reality.’ [1] Gaslighting is a method of gaining control over someone else. It can take place in any kind of relationship but often involves an imbalance of power. People who experience gaslighting may feel confused, anxious, or as though they cannot trust themselves.[2] Medical gaslighting- According to the CPTSD Foundation, is when a medical professional dismisses a person’s health concerns as being the product of their imagination. They may tell the person their symptoms are “in their head” or label them a hypochondriac.[3]
I have been to 15 NHS Trusts over the last ten years, presenting with acute left sided facial and periocular pain, for which I have received no diagnosis or resolution. Many Consultants have implied that my symptoms are psychological, even when blood tests, scans and histology reports show abnormality. This blog post chronicles some of my experiences of being gaslighted by medical professionals. These experiences have been terrifying. They have each led me to question my own judgement and sanity. At points, I have felt like I was losing my mind.
It has been a difficult decision knowing whether or not to blog about these experiences. This is a sensitive subject and a difficult area to speak about. I have felt silenced up to this point; too afraid to speak about it. However, my blog would not be authentic without me writing about these incidents. In short, my hope is to raise awareness. I do not what has happened to me to happen to others in the queue behind me.
Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control.
Psychology Today
Gaslighting Incident 1
May, 2019-It was one year after my Superficial Parotidectomy. My GP referred me to see a Surgeon at an Ear, Nose and Throat department at an NHS Hospital in London about the residual pain in my parotid gland. The surgeon organised an MRI Neck, MRI Skull base, a CT Neck scan and an ultrasound. I had all of the scans done, prior to my consultation with him.
The Scene
The Consultant had my radiology images displayed on three computer screens in front of him. An older man he was- with grey hair and he wore a red chequered shirt. I walked in and sat down. He did not discuss the radiology images with me. He said that there was nothing wrong with me and that most of my parotid gland had been removed. ‘We need to try the ‘pain psychology route,’ he told me.
He had his back to me -I remember the scene well. He was flicking through my radiology images. I was sitting directly behind him and I could see the images clearly on his screen. An MRI image flashed up. He enlarged it and moved his head closer to his computer. I could see lots of large white spots on his screen. They were big white blobs. They did not look normal.
Are they calcifications? I asked.
He turned off his computer. ‘No, they are not,’ he said. The expression he wore on his face resembled a youngster, who had been caught stealing sweets.
‘What are they? What were those white blobs?’
‘They are nothing,’ he replied.
‘They didn’t look like nothing.’
‘You must be seeing things,’ he said. ‘There was nothing there. There are no calcifications. Your problem is psychological.’
I asked him to turn the computer back on. He refused. I felt my throat tighten and my words stick in my throat. I was unable to challenge him.
The Consultant told me that what I saw on his computer screen was a figment of my imagination. I did not imagine anything. I know what I saw. They were big white globs that looked like boils. He then raised his voice and told me that I needed to see a psychologist about my pain. I walked out of the consultation. I found his behaviour too offensive.
Gaslighting means deception.
S Durbhakula and A Fortin, Turning Down The Flame on Medical Gaslighting. July, 2023
Los Angeles
I flew out to Los Angeles to see a Head and Neck Surgeon after this, to find out, a) how much of my gland remained, and b) what the residual pain in my parotid gland was. It was wonderful to be back on Californian shores. San Francisco had been my home during my twenties and this was my first time back in 18 years.
The surgeon did some scans. Firstly, he confirmed that 70% of my parotid gland remains; some of the superficial lobe is still there, the deep lobe, and there is some accessory parotid tissue over my masseter muscle. Secondly, the surgeon told me that there were still calcifications in my gland, and thirdly, he told me that my residual pain was likely being caused by my parotid gland. I came home with more knowledge and my confidence back intact.
Missing Radiology Images?
After I returned from Los Angeles, I requested the CD disk with all of the radiology images from the 4 scans that I had done at the NHS Hospital in London. On the CD disk that I received, each of the four scans were listed in rows;
CT Neck
MRI Skull Base
MRI Neck.
Neck Ultrasound
What I discovered when I looked, was a heart-thump moment. Next to each scan was a file icon. However, there was no file icon next to the MRI Neck scan. I clicked on it, and an orange sign flashed up that said; Non Image Prehensive SRSc. I clicked on that sign, and an even bigger sign came up, that said; Error decoding image. There were no radiology images for the MRI Neck scan.
I phoned the NHS Trust and asked why there were no radiology images for the MRI Neck scan. They told me that the MRI Neck images had been ‘merged with the MRI Skull base scans.’ I searched all of the MRI scans. There was no sign of the big white blobs that I saw on the surgeon’s screen. My instinct screamed out at me that all is not as it should be. The reason why the CD shows a missing file is unclear and dubious. There may well be an innocent explanation, but, I think that it is a possibility that some of the images from the MRI Neck scan may have been deleted. I will never know for sure. It will remain a question hovering over me for years to come.
Medical patients hope to feel safe, heard and cared for by doctors-but unfortunately, this isn’t always the reality. Insider.com
Gaslighting Incident 2
I was seeking answers about the CT radiology images, that I had done in Scotland in July 2021. It was my facial asymmetry, that I wanted to understand, alongside the white high-density areas on the left side of my face. There was no one who I could ask. The surgeon who had requested these scans did not give me a follow up consultation. I went to see an Oral Maxillofacial surgeon, at a private hospital in Glasgow. I asked him about the white spanner thing on the left side of my face.
‘That is your spine,’ he said, wearing a puckered expression.
‘My spine?’ I asked.
‘Yes, it’s your spine.’
It is not my spine. I could see that it was is my face. In the margin on my laptop, there is a diagram. It has a bar that moves up and down to the area of the body that you are viewing. The bar was showing the area just above my jaw.
I was too shocked to challenge him. He said it with such conviction, that I shut down. You just don’t expect it. If a cowboy tries to sell you a fake gold watch, you know that it is fake, and that he is out to snitch you. If a high calibre surgeon looks you in the eye and tells you that an image which is clearly your face, is your spine- it is disturbing. My words stuck in my throat again. I kept quiet.
I asked him about my enlarged masseter muscle and what all of the white was on the left side. He ignored my questions. He kept telling me that the images were of my spine. I don’t know what was more shocking; his lack of transparency or the conviction with which he said it to me. Writing a cheque for £175.00 was sickening. It was an exorbitant price to pay for an hour of being gaslighted.
When patients are ignored, and their symptoms not taken seriously, it can take months or years to receive an accurate diagnosis and treatment plan. Medical Gaslighting, like Social Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. It is traumatizing for patients, and causes confusion and helplessness.
Karen Stollznow, Phd, It’s All In Your Head; The Dangers of Medical Gaslighting. Psychology Today. May, 2022
Foot Notes
[1] Shravani Durbhakula and Auguste H Fortin. Turning Down The Flame On Medical Gaslighting. Journal of General Internal Medicine. 5 July, 2023
[2] Jennifer Huizen. Medical News Today. July, 2023
[3] Jennifer Huizen. Medical News Today. July, 2023
Recommended Articles
Medical and Mental Health Gaslighting
How To Recognize Gaslighting and Respond To It.
How Women Suffer Medical Gaslighting.
It’s All In Your Head; The Danger’s of Medical Gaslighting.
thanks for info
You are so welcome. I am glad it was helpful!